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Yeti Krabs

(Squidward is sleeping with a magazine called "Boredom Weekly" on his face)
Mr. Krabs: Squidward!
(Squidward screams)
Squidward: What is your problem?!
Mr. Krabs: My problem is that you aren't working, which means I lose M-O-N-E-Y, which means you lose your J-O-B.
Squidward: Remind me again, is that good news, or bad news?
Mr. Krabs: Tentacles, I mean it. You get back to minding that register.
Squidward: Minding it for, which customer?
(Krusty Krab is shown to be empty)
Mr. Krabs: I see your point. But still, I'm not paying you to dream sweet nothings. Do something, pick up a mop, a broom, a window wiper, a spatula even.
Squidward: SpongeBob's got that covered.
(SpongeBob is shown to be sweeping the floors with two hands while humming. He notices a dust speck and takes a closer look.)
SpongeBob: (gasp) Dust specks on the window! Don't worry bossman, I've got it covered.
(An arm with a window wiper pops out of his body and cleans it)
SpongeBob: That's better...ooh, sounds like the dishes are done soaking.
(His face/body reaches towards the kitchen and begins scrubbing the dishes)
Mr. Krabs: That's a perfect example of what I'm talking about. Staying busy.
(Simultaneously the rest of SpongeBob's body keeps sweeping and eventually reaches the kitchen.)
Squidward: I was busy, trying to forget about this place 'til you woke me up.
Mr. Krabs: Okay, have it your way, Squidward. Since you can't be bothered to take the initiative yourself, it's clear I must assign tasks to ya.
(winces for a second)
Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward, scrub the walls of the Krusty Krab, 'til the gleam.
SpongeBob: Already done, sir.
(SpongeBob slides down from above. The ceiling is shown to be shining)
Mr. Krabs: Oh that's very nice, boy, thank you. But see, I'm trying to give Squidward a task.
SpongeBob: Hmm...well, the smoke dock needs sweeping.
Mr. Krabs: Excellent idea, Mr. SquarePants. Squidward, I'd like you to sweep-
(a banging noise is heard. The dock's hatchway opens, revealing a dusty SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: Done and dusted.
(SpongeBob exhales some of the dust in a close-up)
Squidward: Nice working conditions, but no thanks.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, is that so? Would you prefer scrapping the gum off of the underside of these tables?
Squidward: (sarcastically) Oh, a restaurant employee handling chewed bubble gum? That's gotta violate a lot of health care codes.
SpongeBob: (while attempting to pull one of the gums out) Not if you wear gloves it doesn't. (lengthens said gum quickly, before adding it to a round wad of gum) Mind if I take this to Patrick after work, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: ...I guess SpongeBob has a handle on all the Krusty Krab duties. Which leaves you with all the extra curriculum. Like shining me shoes.
Squidward: (covers his face with magazine) Sorry, all out of polish.
SpongeBob: Well I'm not (cleans shoes)
Mr. Krabs: Wash me boat!
(SpongeBob's seen outside, soaking himself up and then washing it as such).
Mr. Krabs: Listen Squidward, I'm gonna get a full day's work out of you one way or another.
Squidward: It doesn't matter what you want me to do, I won't do it.
Mr. Krabs: (is visibly angry, his face becoming purple before coming up with an idea) Oh ho, yeah? Fine. If you refuse to work, then I can't be held responsible.
(SpongeBob walks in)
SpongeBob: Responsible for what Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: For...for...a visit from, the Yeti Krab! (looks in suspicion)
SpongeBob: (terrified) The Yeti Krab?
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, everybody's heard of the abominable Yeti Krab. (pulls eyebrows) With his long white hair. And six pack abs. (shows buck teeth) and yeller teeth! And everybody knows that he only comes out of his mountain cave, to feed on lazy workers. (looks at Squidward) He's attracted to the scent, he can smell your lazy, lazy stench from hundreds of miles away!
SpongeBob: (becomes scared for a second before calming down) Oh wait, what am I worried about? I'm a hard working self-motivated sponge.
Mr. Krabs: (looks at SpongeBob) Yes, but that won't make any difference, because of your proximity to Squidward's laziness, you will be eaten.
SpongeBob: (gasps) Squidward and I are as close as brothers!
Squidward: (flatly) Ludicrous.
Mr. Krabs: You won't think so once that big hairy fellar wants to eat ya. (laughs shadily) Yeah, now listen up boys. Bossman Krabs is stepping out for a minute. (dumps laundry on Squidward's counter) But I want this tub of laundry to be done before I get back. Or...
SpongeBob: Or the Yeti Krabs will smell our laziness and eat us.
Mr. Krabs: (begins leaving the Krusty Krab) Precisely. See ya boys.
Squidward: Whatever.
SpongeBob: Squidward, what are you doing?! (sniffs with caution) Oh no, your lack of work is taking up an odor!
Squidward: (raises up briefs) Are you sure it's not these you're smelling?
SpongeBob: If the Yeti Krab catches wind of it he's gonna (nose pops) y'know...(whispers) eat us.
Squidward: Oh come on, SpongeBob. Mr. Krabs' yeti story is a complete and total crock.
SpongeBob: (alarmed) Squidward, Mr. Krabs would never make up something like that.
Squidward: You can believe in whatever garbage you want to. Just do it away from me. Now run along, and wash Krabs' undies.
SpongeBob: You got it Squidward. (transforms into a laundry machine, grabs the clothes) Anything to keep that Yeti Krab at bay. (puts clothes in mouth, adds soap, and turns himself on)
Narrator: (title card) Just then... (another title card)...by sheer coincidence...
(cuts to snowy mountain. A yeti krab is roaming, sniffing along the way.)
(Leaves mountain and heads to Bikini Bottom.)
(Looks at Bikini Bottom census post and destroys it.)
(Sucks on a mailbox before spitting it out.)
(Yells at clothes display.)
(Camera closes in to its belly. Its stomach is hitting on the exterior.)
Yeti's Stomach: Let me out of here, you hairy brute. I can find my own food.
(Yeti krab roars, before following a smell that leads him to the Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob: (is wiping table) Good day sir, are you yeti to order-d'oh! (notices the yeti krab and goes to Squidward's counter, where he is shown sleeping) Oh Squidward!
Squidward: (wakes up surprised) What what what-huh?
SpongeBob: You are NOT gonna believe this! There's a yeti krab at table seven, and he is sniffing out the lazy.
Squidward: (snickers) Of course he is. Nice costume Eugene. Could you have at least had it dry cleaned or pressed?
(Yeti krab screams at them)
Squidward: Didn't brush this morning, did we?
SpongeBob: Please don't eat us, Mr. Yeti. We're not lazy!
Squidward: Oh yes I am.
SpongeBob: Oh boy, I'll have to work twice as hard to make up for Squidward's laziness. (runs and pushes in seats) A-hehe. (notices wobbly table) Wobbly table! (raises door stopper) We can't have that. (puts door stopper in place, but table still continues to tilt) (puts another door stopper but the problem persist) Oh come on. (continues putting door stoppers, yeti krab becomes frustrated) There, perfect! (table has been raised considerably by multiple door stoppers)
SpongeBob: (checks out mustard) Yikes! Time to top off the mustard. (grabs spare bag of mustard from cabinet and hastily puts it in jar) (slides under the yeti krab to the kitchen) I'm busy, I'm organizing the spice racks. By color.
(yeti krab, angry, blows on SpongeBob, causing him to bounce through the room)
SpongeBob: Well, I guess while I'm down here I'll hit the ol' grease traps again. (opens trap and transfers grease to barrel through arms) (later adds leg)
(yeti krab sniffs and licks some of the grease)
SpongeBob: (accidentally wrings out grease) I'm not lazy, don't eat me!
(yeti krab screams once more)
SpongeBob: (off screen) I'm sorry, Mr. Yeti Krab.
Squidward: (hears in annoyance, puts down newspaper) I almost feel sorry for the little nimrod. (goes back to reading)
(substance falls on Squidward and his paper)
Squidward: What the? Do you mind?!
SpongeBob: Sorry Squidward, just burnishing the ceiling.
Squidward: (sighs) I hope you're happy Mr. Krabs. You're driving him insane.
(yeti krab looks menacingly to him)
Squidward: (with disinterest) Yeah yeah, you'll eat me if I'm lazy, whatever.
(yeti krab roars at Squidward, before sparks make him move back)
(said sparks burns Squidward's newspaper)
Squidward: Not the home and garden section! (goes to SpongeBob, who is wielding a flamethrower and corresponding mask) SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: (takes off mask) Huh? Oh sorry, just making sure all the rivets are securely welded.
Squidward: SpongeBob, we have no customers, ergo we have nothing to do. No matter what that buffoon wants you to think.
SpongeBob: Shh. Squidward, he might hear you. Don't worry Mr. Yeti Krab we have plenty to do! (carrying toilet paper) I can replenish the toilet paper! (carrying paint roll) And redecorate Mr. Krabs' office. And refold the napkins into origami figures (close-up on origami) Knit straw cozies! (close-up on straws) Clean the soap!
(drenches soap with water) Replane the grill! (cue visual representation) Washing inside the walls! (goes inside walls and comes out filthy) Sucking up every dust particle in the restaurant (says while vacuuming the table)
(vacuum destroys Squidward's newspaper)
Squidward: Have you lost it, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Lost it? (laughs uncomfortably) What a silly thing to say! (vacuum sucks up employee hat) (forcibly smiles until he runs out off-screen)
Squidward: (sigh) Guess I'm down to the comics section.
SpongeBob: (walks backwards, afraid) Squidward! (jumps into his counter) You were right. There's no more work to do! I have done it all!
(yeti krab rips Squidward's newspaper apart and roars)
SpongeBob: Which means he is gonna EAT US! (yeti krab chases after him)
Squidward: That does it! (steps out the backdoor of the Krusty Krab) I have had it with his ridiculous ruse. (puts on bucket and boxes as pants and shoes respectively)
Using fear to prey on a feeble mind! (grabs cushion and breaks it apart) Even SpongeBob doesn't deserve that. (takes the stuffing) Enjoy spooking the witness Krabs.
(takes the mop fibers and puts it on his head) We'll just see how you like it. (eyes pop out of mop)
Squidward: (walks back into the Krusty Krab to confront the yeti krab) Hey, I can dress up as a convincing yeti krab too!
(yeti krab yells at his face)
SpongeBob: (stuttering incoherent gibberish) Two yeti krab! (brain implodes, leaving SpongeBob unconscious)
Squidward: (pulling on the yeti krab's face) Take off that phony suit, Mr. Krabs. You're not fooling anybody.
Mr. Krabs: (walking into the restaurant) I'm back fellars. (looks surprised)
Squidward: Sorry Mr. Krabs, I'm a little busy trying to pull off this stupid mask of yours.
Mr. Krabs: Uh, Squidward?
Squidward: What? Oh...(screams)
(yeti krabs grabs Squidward, Mr. Krabs, and SpongeBob. He ties them to the grill with sticks)
Mr. Krabs: We're as good as yeti food! I blame Squidward.
SpongeBob: (comes to a realization) Guys? Do you hear that?
Squidward: You mean, the sound of my own flesh sizzling to a crisp?
(yeti krab's stomach grumbles)
SpongeBob: No, I'm talking about the sound of a hungry customer. He doesn't want to eat us for being lazy, he want to eat us because he's hungry. Fellas, leave this to me. (grabs can of Emergency Krabby Patty, cooks them on the grill, and serves the yeti krabby patties)
(the yeti krab eats them and enjoys them)
Mr. Krabs: Way to go, boy, he loves it. (yeti krab hands him a dollar) And he's a paying customer.
(yeti krab leaves)
Mr. Krabs: Come back and see us any time, Mr. Yeti Krab. (looks at SpongeBob and Squidward) Hey, what are you two doing standing idle? Squidward, sweep out the crow's nest.
Squidward: No.
SpongeBob: (takes out broom) Done!
Mr. Krabs: Refinish me floors.
Squidward: No.
SpongeBob: Done!
Mr. Krabs: Build me a new safe.
Squidward: Nuh-uh.
SpongeBob: Consider it done.
End